The Polander Post

Whatever

2010-07-24T12:59:00.000-07:00

No, really...
whatever...

New name for the blog?

2010-07-11T18:59:00.001-07:00

D&D

Names

2010-06-21T21:55:00.000-07:00

So, Mom tells me that I am named David because she loves the story of David and Jonathan in the Old Testament. I also remember that she told me once that she almost gave the name to Michael (I still think of him as Mike, but Mom always calls him Michael these days. Could be a clue there). Anyway, I don't know if that would have meant I would have been named Jonathan, which would have been awkward with Jon being such a Jon. I notice sometime people refer to him as John, but he's Jon to me. Robert is still Robert. Tim is Tim, though come to think of it, Mom always says Jonathan, but calls Tim Tim.

It was interesting to hear the story of Jonathan shooting the arrows to warn David of Saul's stance on him. I remembered Mom telling it differently. At lease, when Jon and I tried it, I think it involved me shooting arrows at... I mean, toward him. Or something like that. I know we liked shooting the arrows straight up in the air, and I even recall thinking how stupid it was, but doing it anyway. There was that whole Jack*** extreme thrill thing about it. As if life in the Polander household needed any of that.

So, Debra was always Debbie to me, but I am aware that she prefers Debra, so Debra she shall be. Really, she hasn't been Debbie for about 30 years anyway, so I'm cool with that. Christine seems to be fine with Chris (correct me if I am wrong). Sheryl was never anything but Sheryl. Diana... I don't know anymore. I think it's still Diana. She used to be Nanner to me. I meant it with complete affection, but the last time I called her that, she made it clear that she hated it. Oh well.

I believe the popular story Dad told was that, had he not been in Morocco, I would have been named something like Quintus Aurelius (or Aloysius). Thank you, USAF! I also heard that Chris just missed out on being Octavia, and Debra was to have been Omega, or maybe that was just Mom's opinion. Actually, Omega would have been a cool name. Not for me, of course.

2010-06-14T22:44:00.000-07:00

2010-06-11T21:23:00.001-07:00

New Resolve

2010-06-01T07:11:00.000-07:00

Since I find myself at a loss for what to post, I am going to try something new. I have several family recipes that some of you may or may not remember. These are the good ones from Mom and Dad, not my pathetic attempts at preparing meals you may remember with horror. Every week I will try to post one more and maybe a thought or two to go with it.
So for starters, Cornbread. This is a family favorite among the Ligon clan as well.

Cornbread
1 cup cornmeal                       1 egg
1 cup flour                              1 cup milk
1/4 cup sugar    1/4 cup oil
4 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
Mix dry ingredients. Make a well and add in liquid ingredients. Beat until smooth. Bake at 425 degree for 20-25 minutes.

I have nothing nice to say

2010-05-29T16:31:00.000-07:00

...

A New Perspective

2010-04-09T00:34:00.000-07:00

FYI, if anyone is reading this stuff I am writing lately and thinking it sounds a bit too sweetness and light for gloomy David, it's because he's gone. I don't need him anymore. I've found something better than hiding behind a wall of sarcasm, and criticism of everyone that disappoints me because they aren't any more perfect than I am.

I have a genuinely new way (for me) of looking at things. I'm sure there are quite a few people out there that have had this epiphany, which is kind of a stupid epiphany since I have been hearing it all my life, and only just "got it."(stupiphany- the act of suddenly understanding something everyone else knew all along. Also known as "Duh" and a "blonde moment.") So, be prepared as you read this that I may state what is obvious to you. I'm not trying to break the news to the world. I just want to let you know that I figured it out finally.

The gist of it is that some of my negative views got repolarized. Where I used to look for smart-alecky ways to answer the "glass is half full/empty thing" such Michael's response, "it's only half full." (If you don't get the brilliance of that, think about it some more.) Anyway, my response now is "It's full, end of discussion." I know. Some of you will read this and be taking bets on how long it will take for me to get through my manic phase. You might be surprised.

When I was at the lowest points of my depression, and grasping at straws to keep my head out of that filthy stream, I would ask some person, who was usually the actual last person that I hadn't alienated, to tell me something about me that made them think I was ever going to make it. I can't recall hearing anything that clicked, and quite often the response was, "You are a child of God."

I was not impressed. I would come right back with, "Yeah, so was Hitler, and everyone else for that matter." Needless to say, it did not make me feel special. However, it became a bit of a personal crusade to find someone who could contradict that point of view. I really wanted someone to tell me why I was wrong, but I thought I was just wrong about my own self-worth and that's what I wanted someone to change my mind about.

The truth was able to encompass both concepts in one. I do have self-worth, and it does make me special to be a child of God, and both for the same reason. I was brought to see that it was just a matter of semantics; a simple change of punctuation. Instead of the gloomy "so is everyone," I realized it was, "Yeah! So is everyone!"

I know, you're not dazzled. That was my great revelation? It wasn't just that, but it was the culmination of an enormous paradigm shift. Instead of thinking of how stupid we must have been to get involved in this "going to the Earth and having a body thing" it came to me (during prayer) that we totally knew what was coming. We knew exactly what the risks were, and we had the courage to do it anyway.

It gave me an image of the person I was before being stuffed into this body, and I was pretty impressive, but then it hit me like a tsunami that "so was everyone!" It was so blatantly obvious, and after all, hadn't I been told that over and over all my life? Why was it so different now? I had been able to believe at some times in my life that I was "one of the elect, the valiant ones that were saved for the last days." I even let myself feel special because of that.

I also had this idea that just being a Polander made me destined for greatness. I know I looked like I was down on myself, but inside I had the cognitive dissonance that said I should be doing great things, when I was doing quite the opposite. I knew I should feel valuable for just being me: a Polander AND a son of God. The problem was that I knew deep down how arrogant I was to think I was better than anyone else for any reason.

I only saw the faults in the people around me and, though it didn't make me feel like I was better than they were, it did make me feel just as worthless as I saw them. I had begun to put people into groups in my head: those ones are Celestial; that one is Terrestrial; he's DEFINITELY Telestial. I didn't see myself in the first two groups. After all, not everyone can make it, so some of us must fail, right?

What I had never seen before was who we really were before we took these temporary bodies for a test drive. I mean most of us really suck at handling these things, but they are not us. Each body out there has a divine spirit inside that chose rightly in the pre-existence, who fought furiously and valiantly for the Plan of Salvation, and against the plan of slavery. We were all on the same side...

I can't look at people the same now, even those who are my enemies. I see what has become of some of them and all I can think is, "How have you come to this? You were great! You were special! and inside you still is that spirit that you were, that you are!" Sure, they have made some lousy choices, and some have gone too far to be reconciled with God, others far enough as to make it seem hopeless, but I can't despise them anymore. I know who they are, and I know who I am.

The Priesthood Rocks!

2010-04-05T22:44:00.000-07:00

My family had the most amazing experience tonight in our FHE. We talked about the priesthood, and recognizing God's power and the promptings of the Spirit. Also, we talked about how giving yourself up to Heavenly Father in faith can bring about mighty results. If you remember that you are nothing without the Lord, but everything with the Lord, then there is nothing you can't do if you make that kind of connection and give all the glory to God. After the lesson, I gave each of my three children who were present a Priesthood blessing.

Like a lot of people, I've had trouble with pride in the past and it has caused much grief. It cost me the worthiness to use my Priesthood and it cost my family the blessings of the Priesthood. I am only just beginning to understand how terrible that was. But God is merciful and blesses us when we repent. If you can learn that opposite of pride is joy; that God will do incredible things through us if we can learn to acknowledge that it is only through His power that anything ever is.

I call that joy, because when you sacrifice your pride in total submission and let the Lord work completely through you there is no other description for what occurs than joy. If I ever knew these things before, I must have forgotten them because I don't remember feeling this way before.

The power of those blessings was phenomenal. We all felt it, and afterward, we sat looking at each other as if there was fire all around us. That was Joseph's description and we all agreed. The youngest two had never had an experience like this and it was very profound. I had never felt this before, really. I am not boasting of my great blessings, or my piety or any other thing that I could do. I can do nothing. It is the power of God that holds my very cells together, and I am nothing without that power.

I had never been able to accept that before, so I never knew the true power of the priesthood. I had been told about it, but never developed a true testimony of it because I was more concerned about how impressive I was. So wrong. The power I felt could only have been God's. It was no part of me. It did not come from me in any way. It came pouring through me like a white hot flame, and I thank my Father in Heaven for letting me and my family feel such joy. We have been needing it for so long, and now I can say something that I have never believed before: Life is good.

Believe it or not: Good News!

2010-03-24T22:28:00.000-07:00

One thing (or I should say, many things) I have always had trouble with is daily observance of religious rituals such as scripture study, etc. I've had bursts of keeping up with daily prayers, and even read scriptures a few days in a row at times. I've never been able to do it long enough or sincerely enough to be able to test if the various related blessings would come about.

Some time ago, (I stopped counting days when I realized I was committed to it) Lora (my 20yo daughter, who lives me while attending college) and I started to pray and read daily. We had to motivate each other at times, but we managed to keep it up and not miss a day. Considering the results, I think we can stay devoted to it.

Miracles have abounded. Some did not appear to be blessings at first, but when all did become clear it was plain that what resulted could only happen that way. To preserve privacy, I can't go into a great deal of detail. I'll just say that we are seeing our family unity strengthen daily; some people who have not been to church in years have now gone two weeks in a row without any prompting from us personally. Sure, we were praying for them and we refused to be distracted when they seemed annoyed at our insistence on reading, but it was still surprising when they chose to go to church on their own.

I have also had a number of life-changing events personally. It started with a rather severe attack of whatever-it-is-that-Polanders-are-prone-to. I don't care what it's called, I just know that it really screwed me up. I got connected with still another set of mental health professionals, but these ones seem to be on to something. I'm still a little nervous about hoping for things to get better, but I've also never felt quite like I am feeling now. I feel strong and competent, and look forward to the rest of my life. I had gotten to the point that every day that I woke up, I went "crap, I'm not dead." No hint of that today.

I've been exercising daily. I have no craving for junk food, though sometimes it seems enticing at first, it doesn't overpower my desire to be healthy, so I pass it up. This wasn't even a conscious choice. It just came naturally as I felt better about living. I give the medications some credit, as well as the physical activity, FAITH and some other positive occurences. I'm also not having unrealistic expectations. I am taking it slowly, and methodically. I don't so much feel great as I just feel good, and I trust that more.

As always, I know that no one is reading the blog, but eventually someone will. In the meantime, I'm using it for my personal journal. May as well.

It's an historic day!

2010-03-23T08:40:00.000-07:00

But I'm not going to talk about it. I'll leave to the historians of the future to interpret what made it historic. I'll only say that any who rejoice in the passage and signing of this particular legislation do so at the expense of myself and millions of your countrymen. Enjoy.

It seems to be the consensus among my friends, family and therapists that I need to learn to stand up for myself. This despite the fact that all the worst things that have happened in my life came as a result of my "insisting on my rights." I have never personally felt, or felt inspired by the Lord, that I needed those rights so badly that I should do it at someone else's expense. I believe I am supposed to give of myself to help others and not worry what it is costing me, but rather to trust in the Lord to provide for me.

Apparently, this what used to be known as a martyr complex, but now is termed as the Mr. Nice Guy syndrome. I am being told that the only reason I try to be a nice guy is to win the approval of others and to serve the toxic shame acquired during my childhood, primarily at the hands of my parents. I won't elaborate further, the details get even more nauseating.

I always thought I was raised of goodly parents who did all they could to instill proper values and a testimony of the true gospel of Jesus Christ and that I am accountable to my God for how well I follow that teaching. Imagine my surprise to learn that they were likewise victims of centuries of religious oppression, and that at the very least, we are being deceived by so-called prophets who trick us into thinking that we need to do anything on this earth than accept Jesus Christ as our personal savior and all our sins- past, present and future- are forgiven without further condition.

Think of all the time it could have saved me (is that what they mean by saved?)if I had heard and accepted that message in my early years. Instead, I have foolishly tried to improve myself and bridle my passions when I could have lived my life as I please and just make sure to reaffirm my saved status before coughing out my last breath. What a tragedy that some people died too suddenly and failed to do that and save themselves... wait, we can't save ourselves. I forgot.

Buggy Blog

2010-01-21T04:59:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure who has admin privileges on the Polander Post, but the page itself is rather buggy. The posts are hard to read and the links don't load properly. It's hard enough to get us to participate in anything, but if it doesn't even work right, there's even less hope. Just rantin'.

New year, so I guess news would be in order. Wish I had some. My kids that are in school are still in school and advance through school at the usual rate of progress. This is not to say that they have done nothing to be proud of, just that none of it has associated titles and honors to brag about. Well enough. Those things tend to rub me wrong, since I have rarely seen one that could be won on merit alone. There's always an element of politicking to it. Much as I find politics interesting, it's not something I want to participate in directly.

What else? Personally, nothing's new. I'm still a nurse, divorced, not dating anyone, kind of a mediocre Mormon, no calling, no dreams or goals, no purpose other than providing income to feed my offspring, etc. I do still know lots of pointless little bits of trivia and I am pretty certain I am smarter than a fifth grader. For what that's worth. Sure, I'm negative. What's there to be positive about?

This is vaguely like fun. I feel like I am throwing paint on a blank white wall that no one's ever going to see anyway. The Apocalypse came and went and I am just standing here in an empty cityscape, and yet nothing feels any different. Maybe someday, some Polander descendants will find their way back into this desolation and read this in wonder like some sort of text cave painting, and ask, "What does it mean?" Answer: "We came from a bunch of loonies." Maybe not. The reading it part, I mean. No question of the loonie part.

Who are you people anyway? I seem to think I knew some of you once, but I think about it and realize those people are gone. I don't know any of you. Perhaps, this is how vampires feel. Not like these stupid pop culture "cool" blood-sucking types. I'm talking real, soul-less undead. Not even an occasional snack of warm blood or turning into a bat, or even having amazing powers to captivate the opposite sex sort. Just hanging around lifeless because you can't die type.

So, I sit here and type drivel because maybe on some level it's preferable to trying to level up a gnome warlock just to find out there's nothing to do then but raid and no one wants me on their stinking raid, but at least I can level up my fishing just to say I did. Oh, and on the nights I work, I get to clean up other people's poop. Life is good.

2009-11-11T22:13:00.001-08:00

Well, this is consistent with typical Polander family unity.

2009-10-04T12:55:00.001-07:00

2009-10-04T00:10:00.000-07:00

How to Comment?

2009-09-14T05:00:00.000-07:00

One advantage (and disadvantage) to having our posts personal is it is harder to comment. But then, if we comment here we have to be civil. Hmm. This may just work.
I agree with David's latest post--although I'm not sure I would have used that particular term in the title. I have worked up many of the same ideas when I have considered it. Maybe you and I should have run for office!

Ground Rules?

2009-09-13T02:07:00.000-07:00

David here. I'm guessing that I'm not the only that isn't really sure what to do with this. It won't be reliable for general announcements unless we can be sure that everyone is plugged in and checking it out, which seems like it might take a bit. For now, we all just need to get used to actually keeping each other informed. The advantage of using this site is that it can stay up and we can comment on it.

In an attempt to get the ball rolling, I am inviting opinions on what the rules should be about posting to the Polander Post page itself. What you do (or don't) with the individual pages is your own business. If you want to share your opinion, write a comment on this post with maybe the following points:

1. What you think should be posted here.

2. What you think shouldn't be posted here.

3. Do we need a moderator?

4. How often should things be updated/addressed and do you want to have email notifications of anything major?

Use that, or whatever format suits you. I will comment later as well with my thoughts, but I want to think it over a bit myself. I'll revisit this in a week either way.

David

Welcome.

2009-09-08T14:15:00.000-07:00

Hello everybody!
Well hopefully we have everybody linked in... you'll find each kid has their own blog as well as gramma. This is Marie typing to clarify the relationship status. Now I have changed the template of each of your layouts to something snazzy that I thought you might like... if I was wrong then feel free to change it. Click on 'customize' on you 'navbar' that's the bar at the top of the page. Then click on the 'Layout' tab and you can change templates in that area... that is also where you can 'add gadgets' (extras to your page- like the where you are box on this page), photos, videos, slideshows, newsfeeds, etc.

If you don't have much time to spend on your blog- please at least once a month write a new post that tells everyone how life is in your part of the world. If you want to add pictures and/or video you are more that welcome and able to do so within your post. The purpose of the polander post page is to serve as a way to connect to everyone and get information to everyone quickly. In an effort to keep things simple this page's administrators are limited to gramma and kids (I'm just crashing to help get things setup- we may add grandkids in the future).

If you have suggestions for improvement you can leave a comment to this post OR email me mlligon@yahoo.com.

Happy blogging everybody,
Marie