A New Perspective
FYI, if anyone is reading this stuff I am writing lately and thinking it sounds a bit too sweetness and light for gloomy David, it's because he's gone. I don't need him anymore. I've found something better than hiding behind a wall of sarcasm, and criticism of everyone that disappoints me because they aren't any more perfect than I am.
I have a genuinely new way (for me) of looking at things. I'm sure there are quite a few people out there that have had this epiphany, which is kind of a stupid epiphany since I have been hearing it all my life, and only just "got it."(stupiphany- the act of suddenly understanding something everyone else knew all along. Also known as "Duh" and a "blonde moment.") So, be prepared as you read this that I may state what is obvious to you. I'm not trying to break the news to the world. I just want to let you know that I figured it out finally.
The gist of it is that some of my negative views got repolarized. Where I used to look for smart-alecky ways to answer the "glass is half full/empty thing" such Michael's response, "it's only half full." (If you don't get the brilliance of that, think about it some more.) Anyway, my response now is "It's full, end of discussion." I know. Some of you will read this and be taking bets on how long it will take for me to get through my manic phase. You might be surprised.
When I was at the lowest points of my depression, and grasping at straws to keep my head out of that filthy stream, I would ask some person, who was usually the actual last person that I hadn't alienated, to tell me something about me that made them think I was ever going to make it. I can't recall hearing anything that clicked, and quite often the response was, "You are a child of God."
I was not impressed. I would come right back with, "Yeah, so was Hitler, and everyone else for that matter." Needless to say, it did not make me feel special. However, it became a bit of a personal crusade to find someone who could contradict that point of view. I really wanted someone to tell me why I was wrong, but I thought I was just wrong about my own self-worth and that's what I wanted someone to change my mind about.
The truth was able to encompass both concepts in one. I do have self-worth, and it does make me special to be a child of God, and both for the same reason. I was brought to see that it was just a matter of semantics; a simple change of punctuation. Instead of the gloomy "so is everyone," I realized it was, "Yeah! So is everyone!"
I know, you're not dazzled. That was my great revelation? It wasn't just that, but it was the culmination of an enormous paradigm shift. Instead of thinking of how stupid we must have been to get involved in this "going to the Earth and having a body thing" it came to me (during prayer) that we totally knew what was coming. We knew exactly what the risks were, and we had the courage to do it anyway.
It gave me an image of the person I was before being stuffed into this body, and I was pretty impressive, but then it hit me like a tsunami that "so was everyone!" It was so blatantly obvious, and after all, hadn't I been told that over and over all my life? Why was it so different now? I had been able to believe at some times in my life that I was "one of the elect, the valiant ones that were saved for the last days." I even let myself feel special because of that.
I also had this idea that just being a Polander made me destined for greatness. I know I looked like I was down on myself, but inside I had the cognitive dissonance that said I should be doing great things, when I was doing quite the opposite. I knew I should feel valuable for just being me: a Polander AND a son of God. The problem was that I knew deep down how arrogant I was to think I was better than anyone else for any reason.
I only saw the faults in the people around me and, though it didn't make me feel like I was better than they were, it did make me feel just as worthless as I saw them. I had begun to put people into groups in my head: those ones are Celestial; that one is Terrestrial; he's DEFINITELY Telestial. I didn't see myself in the first two groups. After all, not everyone can make it, so some of us must fail, right?
What I had never seen before was who we really were before we took these temporary bodies for a test drive. I mean most of us really suck at handling these things, but they are not us. Each body out there has a divine spirit inside that chose rightly in the pre-existence, who fought furiously and valiantly for the Plan of Salvation, and against the plan of slavery. We were all on the same side...
I can't look at people the same now, even those who are my enemies. I see what has become of some of them and all I can think is, "How have you come to this? You were great! You were special! and inside you still is that spirit that you were, that you are!" Sure, they have made some lousy choices, and some have gone too far to be reconciled with God, others far enough as to make it seem hopeless, but I can't despise them anymore. I know who they are, and I know who I am.
I have a genuinely new way (for me) of looking at things. I'm sure there are quite a few people out there that have had this epiphany, which is kind of a stupid epiphany since I have been hearing it all my life, and only just "got it."(stupiphany- the act of suddenly understanding something everyone else knew all along. Also known as "Duh" and a "blonde moment.") So, be prepared as you read this that I may state what is obvious to you. I'm not trying to break the news to the world. I just want to let you know that I figured it out finally.
The gist of it is that some of my negative views got repolarized. Where I used to look for smart-alecky ways to answer the "glass is half full/empty thing" such Michael's response, "it's only half full." (If you don't get the brilliance of that, think about it some more.) Anyway, my response now is "It's full, end of discussion." I know. Some of you will read this and be taking bets on how long it will take for me to get through my manic phase. You might be surprised.
When I was at the lowest points of my depression, and grasping at straws to keep my head out of that filthy stream, I would ask some person, who was usually the actual last person that I hadn't alienated, to tell me something about me that made them think I was ever going to make it. I can't recall hearing anything that clicked, and quite often the response was, "You are a child of God."
I was not impressed. I would come right back with, "Yeah, so was Hitler, and everyone else for that matter." Needless to say, it did not make me feel special. However, it became a bit of a personal crusade to find someone who could contradict that point of view. I really wanted someone to tell me why I was wrong, but I thought I was just wrong about my own self-worth and that's what I wanted someone to change my mind about.
The truth was able to encompass both concepts in one. I do have self-worth, and it does make me special to be a child of God, and both for the same reason. I was brought to see that it was just a matter of semantics; a simple change of punctuation. Instead of the gloomy "so is everyone," I realized it was, "Yeah! So is everyone!"
I know, you're not dazzled. That was my great revelation? It wasn't just that, but it was the culmination of an enormous paradigm shift. Instead of thinking of how stupid we must have been to get involved in this "going to the Earth and having a body thing" it came to me (during prayer) that we totally knew what was coming. We knew exactly what the risks were, and we had the courage to do it anyway.
It gave me an image of the person I was before being stuffed into this body, and I was pretty impressive, but then it hit me like a tsunami that "so was everyone!" It was so blatantly obvious, and after all, hadn't I been told that over and over all my life? Why was it so different now? I had been able to believe at some times in my life that I was "one of the elect, the valiant ones that were saved for the last days." I even let myself feel special because of that.
I also had this idea that just being a Polander made me destined for greatness. I know I looked like I was down on myself, but inside I had the cognitive dissonance that said I should be doing great things, when I was doing quite the opposite. I knew I should feel valuable for just being me: a Polander AND a son of God. The problem was that I knew deep down how arrogant I was to think I was better than anyone else for any reason.
I only saw the faults in the people around me and, though it didn't make me feel like I was better than they were, it did make me feel just as worthless as I saw them. I had begun to put people into groups in my head: those ones are Celestial; that one is Terrestrial; he's DEFINITELY Telestial. I didn't see myself in the first two groups. After all, not everyone can make it, so some of us must fail, right?
What I had never seen before was who we really were before we took these temporary bodies for a test drive. I mean most of us really suck at handling these things, but they are not us. Each body out there has a divine spirit inside that chose rightly in the pre-existence, who fought furiously and valiantly for the Plan of Salvation, and against the plan of slavery. We were all on the same side...
I can't look at people the same now, even those who are my enemies. I see what has become of some of them and all I can think is, "How have you come to this? You were great! You were special! and inside you still is that spirit that you were, that you are!" Sure, they have made some lousy choices, and some have gone too far to be reconciled with God, others far enough as to make it seem hopeless, but I can't despise them anymore. I know who they are, and I know who I am.
How interesting that we could have such opposite perspectives. And that's all I think it is. It looks a lot different in the middle than it does when you are bringing up the rear, I guess. even in the moments when I most hated humanity, I still thought my family was pretty cool. All of you. Sure, I had some grudges of a sort, but I was always willing to forgive if there seemed to be any point in it.
All I can say is, "Shyness is nice, but shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life you'd like to...If it's not love, then it's the bomb that will bring us together...it's the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb that will bring us together."
I was hoping it was a song quote you would know. The Smith's- "Ask Me." Great song- you would like it, I am confident, unless you're just a Morissey hater...